How to cope when life changes for the worse

There’s no getting around it, life just sucks sometimes. When a big life change happens that you didn’t expect or want, it can be very hard to not get stuck in bitterness, resentment, and rumination (repetitive negative thinking) about what happened.

Whether you’re dealing with a breakup, divorce, job loss, life-changing diagnosis, death of a loved one, or other horrible experience, there are 2 things you need to do that are key to coping.

Grieve what you’ve lost

You can’t move forward in a healthy way without taking time to process what happened and what it means for your life. Grief doesn’t just happen when a loved one dies, it happens whenever we lose something that’s important to us.

Here are some examples of losses that you might need to grieve:

An important relationship, companionship, how the person made you feel
The future you thought you’d have
Financial stability
Status, sense of identity, or purpose
Freedom or independence

Going through grief is never fun but it’s important to acknowledge your losses and how you feel about them. Give yourself validation that what you are feeling is normal and understandable.

Don’t beat yourself up or minimize what’s happened or how you feel about it. It’s okay to feel sad, angry, confused, or regretful when you’re grieving. If you’re blaming yourself or feeling a lot of shame and can’t get out of this mindset, try talking to a therapist or someone you trust.

Practice accepting what happened and where you are now

This doesn’t mean approving of or liking what happened, it means acknowledging the reality of the situation as it is. Accepting something terrible and unexpected is not an easy thing to do but it can transform your life if you work towards it.

Acceptance is the key to stopping endless, unhelpful rumination about what happened and finding a new way forward and studies show that it can improve psychological health.

For example, accepting that you’ve been dumped and your ex will not take you back, no matter what you do, will help you stop ruminating about a relationship that’s over and let you focus on finding a new partner who’s a better match. You can find detailed steps for how to practice acceptance here.

If you’re not ready to practice acceptance yet, you probably have more grieving to do.

Conclusion

When it feels like life has taken a wrong turn, it’s easy to get trapped in negative thoughts and emotions. Making space for your grief and practicing acceptance can help you get unstuck and focused on moving forward.