Most of us will go through big changes throughout our life but some changes sting and are harder to accept than others. Focusing on the negative about what has happened and refusing to accept it will only keep you feeling stuck and bitter. But the answer is not to just push aside your emotions and “get over it”. Instead, giving your emotions space and acknowledgement can help you move forward.
So, when a big life transition has flipped everything upside down, here are some questions to reflect on and journal about:
1. How does this challenge who I thought I was?
Going through a big change can force you to re-evaluate everything you thought you knew about yourself. Your values, priorities, and identity might shift in ways that are uncomfortable. You might be tempted to judge your past or current self, but try to avoid going down this path and choose self-compassion instead.
2. How does this change what my life will look like in the future?
It’s important to take some time to acknowledge that the trajectory of your life is different now. What you imagined for yourself in the future could look very different, for better or for worse. Try balance acknowledging the negative while also looking for the positive.
3. What do I need to grieve?
Before you try to fully shift toward positive thinking, it’s important to give space to the grief you’re feeling. Changes almost inevitably come with some kind of loss and not giving it the space and attention it deserves can make it hard to move towards acceptance. Try to avoid invalidating or minimizing whatever losses you’re going through.
4. What have I learned about myself, other people, or the world through this experience?
Going through difficult experiences can build a lot of wisdom. Think about what wisdom and lessons you can draw from this experience.
5. What are some new opportunities or possibilities that I have now?
If you find yourself in a situation you never imagined yourself in, that means you could also have possibilities you never dreamed of before. Let yourself start imagining the possibilities, to help you move towards acceptance.
Acknowledging and giving space to negative emotions in this way can help make space for hope and optimism. As a final bonus step, reflect on who in your social circle or community you can reach out to for support. If you can’t think of anyone, look for new communities or groups you could join. Talking to other people can help us see our own circumstances differently.
Rachel Ginsberg, MSW, RSW, is a psychotherapist and registered social worker who specializes in helping women in their 20s-30s navigate life transitions related to grief and loss, relationships, family, and work. Find out more here: https://findingchangetherapy.ca/specialized-services/pages/life-transitions-and-grief
Photo by Randy Jacob on Unsplash
